Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Split.
It's 2:30am and I can't sleep. Cleared all my stuff today, finally organized my worksheets. Came across a lot of doodles in the process. And a Valentine's card and a photo. ;(
I think I might have split personalities.
Meet angry Parveen. >:@
She believes that being heartless is the only way not to get heartbroken. Her trust in friendship is almost completely eroded. She hates the tiniest of lies and secrets. She thinks of the most awful memories and clench her fists or jaws tightly. She cannot make sense of what quite happened and it infuriates her. :/
Then, meet sad Parveen. :(
She is still in shock. She misses many things. Mainly the company. She questions how much people value her. Is it really so easy to replace her and her presence? Why would people choose someone else over her? She has never dealt with anything like this before, and doesn't know how to organise her feelings after. Not everyday that you get a knife right through your back. She remembers many moments and realized how many promises were broken and lies were propagated, and it hurts her. How people could translate what means so much to her as "mere nothings". Her main question is, was she really not worth the truth?
Then, there is happy Parveen. :)
She's merely a facade. She tries to show that she is unaffected, often failing miserably. She'd like to believe she is better off. After all, she found her real friends. She also becomes happy to make herself happy subconsciously, to fill the emptiness inside. When she is really happy, she asks herself if she could be happier. She loves laughing, she loves humor. She believes it's possible to be happy, and it would only get better from there.
Lastly, meet confused Parveen. :S
She thinks she ruined it. She doesn't know if it's good or bad. She has doubts all the time. She thinks of the consequences of being the 3 other Parveens. Some damages are irreparable. Some things are irreversible. She questions her every thought and action. She doesn't know what it means to be Parveen Kaur. She is confused about who Parveen Kaur is. She often questions if she should do something, make a move. Or would that be disastrous when she transforms into another Parveen? She isn't sure of the value of value. She keeps asking herself why she feels so differently at different times of the day. Her split personalities are the core reason for her frustrations.
Which Parveen would you like to meet?
With Love,
