Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Victor Chronicles (I)
I remember our crazy times three years ago. My first day in HYSS as a transfer student, my first impressions on many people like Najmah, Victor and Qwerty. I remember how I became BFFs with Victor and Najmah. I also remember the naughty things I did to Victor! :P
Mainly, The Victor Chronicles, which I passed down in class so that everyone could read it. It was practically a written Victor-dissing machine.
What I admire about Victor is that he knows himself well, so he allowed me to post rubbish stuff on his blog. It was because he knew no matter how hard I dissed him, people won't stop liking him. I did this all in friendly humor, and I appreciate that Victor knows how to laugh at himself. He's not over-sensitive, and he's been a great friend all these years. I dug out the dusty "Victor Chronicles" book and decided to publish it in my blog, with his permission of course! :P
This is a hard question to answer, but try answering it anyways: What is the name of a creature who has extremely curly hair, an oily face (almost as oily as 600 deep-fried chicken wings friend in a tonne of extreme high-fat oil), who laughs like an evil maniac, who finally found out how to steal candy from a baby, who walks as though he has 4000 warts on his heels and greenish-purplish-blueish-ywllowish-blackish-whiteish-orangeish-pinkish-redish-greyish fungi growing in between his toes, who lives in a high-durability garbage-can in Yishun, who smells of rotting fish mixed with rotten eggs dumped in the Dead Sea(which he claims is his Gucci perfume), who spits at people while talking so badly you need an umbrella and who has shorts pulled down to his big, ugly butt?
The correct answer is: Victor Hugo Pratama Rotiprata Camera Wonderbra Hyena
Note to kids below the age of 10: The answer to the question is NOT Billy, that kid who steals your lunch money. Neither is it the creepy guy working in McDonalds who puts feathers instead of chicken in your burger.
So what is this Victor creature? He might be the person talking to you right now, showing off his (fake) gold tooth. Victor is the only girl stuck in a guy's body!
Caution: The following paagraph contains extreme violence and harsh language. Therefore, if you are below the age of 20 and above the age of 21, wave your hands in the air (beware if you have bad B.O.), scream as loud as you can and run into the nearest mama-shop and shout"I wear pink Barbie underpants!"
Victor own a cheap, Made-In-China Mechanical Pencil which is worth slightly less than 2-cents, and he claims he bought it from AMERICA!
Reminder to those with weak hearts: This piece of news may cause a heart-attack! Relax, hold the phone in your hands, throw it out of your window and strangle yourself!
Victor may claim that he bought his expensive-looking Billabong bag, but the sad truth is that he finds everything from the rubbish centre. Don't be fooled by the "splash" marks on his bags; they are actually curry/tomato sauce/soy milk/rotten apple stains. Also, if he collects all the unwanted channge people drop on the floor. Then, he goes to buy imitation perfume and other goods such as "Hogu Boos" and ""Plada". You'll know it's him if you see a shabbily dressed guy with curly hair paying for goods using 1-cent and 5-cent coins.
Victor has a perky, pig-like squashed up nose in which he stores all his one-cent coins. He also has thick, curly black hair which may look like decomposed brains from far.
Did You Know? : 683 men were reported missing after trying to trim Victor's wire-like hair. That decreased the population of barbers badly and lead to a slight recession. It is believed that Victor's hair is a blackhole.
That is not the worst part! Victor wants to REBOND his hair (GASPS!).
Note to those who do not know Victor: He finally rebonded his hair last year.
Victor has the membership cards for two clucs; VISA (Victor Is Stupid Ass) and SGA (Singapore's Gays Association).
We interviewed the president of the SGA, Ms Stacey Redbottom, and these were her words,
"We're proud of Victor, as he is giving us loads of publicity. When I first met him, I could feel the talent and passion he had to be a gay, so I decided to let him join for free, as he needed 100% Financial Assistance. Right now, we're preparing for a fund-raiser for the less-fortunate like Victor so that they can afford a sex-change operation. "
We also interviewed one of Victor's close friends, Mr Wong Wei Kong:
"Eh, when we going to eat... huh? Must talk about Victor first ah?... Okay lah, okay lah! But got cheese fries right? And got chicken? Aiyah, Victor is a good friend lah!... Now can eat?"
Here are some facts about Victor:
- His work experience is as follows: Carried an empty shopping bag(and broke two nails), Held a book for 5 seconds(stretched 3 muscles)
- He brushes his teeth once a week
- He's the proud owner of three unused tissue packets
- He's a millionaire in his own country, and he forces people to call him PRINCE.
- He likes mangoes.
End of The Victor Chronicles (I) by best-selling author Parveen Kaur.
Words from the author herself:
I love my adoring fans. I hope I get positive feedback and my sequels of The Victor Chronicles remain successful. I also have many other Chornicle books, such as The Najmah Chronicles. It all depends on whether you want me to publish them here. I love my loyal fans!
:D
Labels: Nonsense.
With Love,
